The University of Sioux Falls iswell known for its avid participation in the “Ring by Spring” tradition. Everyyear, young love takes over campus and loads of left hand bling begins to popup before the term ends for the summer. I know this trend all too well becauseI received my ring two springs ago and just celebrated my one year anniversarywith my husband, Brandon.

 In addition to, and maybe because of the ringby spring phenomenon, USF has a very high number of traditional andnon-traditional students that are married or engaged. Because this demographicis abnormally high for a college this size, I think it is necessary to sharesome insights from couples that have taken the plunge with grace and style andsee how they make it work.

Every issue of the vessel thissemester will have advice from a different young couple around campus. Theywill share their words of wisdom with us and hopefully help everyone – whetheryou are married, engaged, dating, or single-- by sharing their secrets of relationshipsuccess.

For this first addition, I am goingto write a little about my own personal experience. As I said before, myhusband Brandon and I have been married for just over a year.

Because we arestill so new it hardly makes us experts, but one thing we are trying to gainexpertise in is kindness. Now, this may sound pretty elementary, but to showpure kindness to one another on a daily basis takes a lot of work.

           We have always thought of kindness aslove in action. To help us better live it out, we turned to “The Love Dare” byStephen and Alex Kendrick (This is a great devotional for anyone in arelationship, check it out!). They broke kindness down into four main ideas:gentleness, willingness, helpfulness, and initiative.

          Gentlenessreminds us to speak the truth in love. There will be times in a relationshipwhen you have to tell your partner hard things they may not want to hear. Whenyou speak in kindness and gentleness you are never careless or unnecessarilyharsh with your words.

             Willingnessis when kindness inspires you to be agreeable even when you may not feel likeit. When you are willing, it allow for compromise and understanding. Manyarguments can be ended before they begin when someone is kind enough to listenfirst and not demand their own way.

            Helpfulnessis kindness in the moment of need. This requires an ability to let go of yourown “rights” and think first of the needs of the person you love. Whether theyneed help with homework, a cheerleader in their corner, or a listening ear, youare there for them, even if it means that your needs are put on hold for alittle.

            Initiativeis kindness thinking ahead and taking a first step. This kind of love meansyour partner will not have to beg and plead with you to get of the couch andget something done. It is seeing a need and meeting it before they even need toask. This kind of person will always be first to smile, serve, and forgive.

Acting in kindness has created manyblessings in our lives. It is a constant motivation for me to love and respectmy husband as he deserves. In return, I am showered in kindness and love aswell. This perpetuating condition has greatly impacted our first year. Every timewe feel that we are on the edge of a fight I just think back to the guidelinesof kindness and almost like magic, our hard times fade away. It is hard to stayangry when you are both surrounding the situation with positive thoughts andlove.

My final thought for this issue isto begin to read a devotional or inspirational work together at least once aday. 

Even if it is just over the phone, connecting and sharing over positivematerial can be a solid foundation for any relationship. Let the words from thelesson shape your actions and thoughts and allow you to better care for yourloved one. My day never seems to go as smoothly, if I don’t make time for alittle connection with God and my partner. Just a few minutes a day is enoughto remind me that no one is perfect, but it doesn’t take perfection to make adifference; just a little kindness.